TeachU TeachMe

Friends keep us from forgetting.

Over the years I have had many, many students, but some stand out and keep you from forgetting the vanishing years. Today i spent time with three of those students. Lunch in Charlotte with one who brought her six year old daughter with her.  The kind of fun that only a outgoing intelligent child can provide: riddles, blunt and totally honest comments and questions.  She was on her way to the American Girl Store --today was the day that a new doll was made available. 

Later, two young women who were music majors and are now music teachers came to visit at the house. One brought her 2.5 month old baby boy. Love filled the house. Buddy, the dog, was totally transfixed. He has never seen a baby. So he circled the carrier that was on the floor, until he was sure it wasn't dangerous. 

I was so happy to have the opportunity to learn how these people I had first know when they were so very young have moved into their adult lives with passion for their careers and families. It is a joy to know that I had some part in helping them on the journey and that they cared enough to come visit with me. 

So for me today was about reliving and laughing about the years that are done but will not be allowed to vanish from my memory. As a teacher I am lucky to have opportunities to see the harvest of my work. 

It is not always granted to the sower to live to see the harvest.  All work that is worth anything is done in faith.

~ Albert Schweitzer

Ready, set, go.

Had a bad night on NYE. Appears that almost everyone in my neighborhood needed to shoot fireworks last night from about 10:00 p,m. to 1:00 a.m. Poor Buddy was a mess. He barked and barked; it is such hard work to keep me safe and he couldn't relax as long as there was a threat from the backyard. If it hadn't kept me awak I would have laughed at him. 

Today was fun. I met a friend at Panera's for coffee which turned into a 3+ hour chat and knit. I love having time to visit with those I love. At the same time there was a steady stream of people I had in class at WU. It was such fun to see them and catch up. 

I was able to finish a Walking Rib scarf today. Photos will be posted tomorrow after it is blocked.

Tonight I cooked an actual dinner for myself. Time to get back to a routine regarding food. I have begun sleeping better and established an excerise routine Seems about time to start eat real food. Fixed one of my favorite meals: sauted shrimp with garlic and red pepper flakes on top of a fresh romaine salad with nuts and dried cherries. 

So today was a good beginning; happy times including laughs and fun with friends.

Play is the exultation of the possible.

~Martin Buber  

Last day of the worse year of my life.

I have often thought of and referred to 2014 as a year of Transition, Now I am ready to move on the the next year with determination to take charge of my life and make 2015 a better year. After all, I have been saying for months "when the worse possible thing happens to you, you begin to put your life into perspective and daily living takes on a different meaning." So here it is the end of the year, what will the next year bring? How will I respond to new events?

Just to be clear, in the last 16 months: My father, husband, and mother all died; I have completed (wll almost) probates activities for the three wills. For years, I had been primary caregiver and errand runner. Now I am a widow and orphan, as someone so kindly reminded me during this year. Again to be clear, I do not see myself as either of those. I am still married to my husband and I am still a daughter to my parents and always will think of myself as such.

But life goes on and I intend to live a life ~~ my life. I intend to live with love, joy, and happiness. Those three people always wanted that life for me and most often did all they could to ensure I had that life.  I will live so that they will know I honor their love. 

Here is what I came to understand during this year. 

1. It may be cliché to say but I am stronger than I thought and I am resilient. 
2. I am blessed with a family, and espcially a brother, who shared the grief and sorrow, but also cared for me and continue to make sure I felt their loving support. 
3. I have an incredible circle of friends who took me into their arms to comfort me and push me back to life with their laughter and love.
4. I  am so luckly to have a job that gave me structure, purpose, and fully supported me during this year. The students in my university classes forgave my moments of distraction and offered their support in so many ways throughout the year. I am incredibly thankful for their understanding. My  colleagues (many of whom are counted in my circle of friends) supported me by kindly reminding me of tasks I had forgotten, covering my classes and attending meetings in my place while I took leave to mourn, and brought many bottles of excellent wine to share with me. 
5. Finally, and the knitters who may read this will fully understand, I had my knitting. The Zen of Knitting should not be underestimated by the non-knitters. So many scarves, baby sweaters, hats, and socks were knit while I cried, talked to myself, and worked on making peace with all that happened.  

I have never been a very good blogger, but I hate the waste of the money and so I am making one final effort to blog my way through this year of renewal. 

 

Saturday morning sighs.

_{^{In the beginning, there is hope.}}

_{^{You open your eyes to pale morning light.}}

_{^{You open your ears to soft snores of the sleeping puppy.}}

_{^{You open your mind to the day’s activities.}}

_{^{You open your heart to . . . nothing.}}

_{^{He is still gone, can never return, and hope went with him.}} 

4. New Habit(s)

1. are very hard to establish, especially if your life has gotten turned totally upside down and old routines have been forgotten in trying to right your world. Next week, back to work and hopefully new habits. 
2. Time (Jan 3) New habit of posting daily keeps getting lost in chaos of my life. I tumble through the days as one letter or phone call rearranges the tasks I must do.
3. Something New (Jan 2) The one constant in every day is my knitting time. Here is my last project of 2013 and a Ravelry link. 

In the Beginning . . .

of my marriage to David, Mother made us a quilt. We slept under it for thousands of nights. I took it off our bed when he got to sick to sleep with me. .  . today I put it back on my bed. This the beginning of a new year in the "time without him."

This morning in my first status post on Facebook I posted a pledge to myself that I was going to use the Advent season to find joy in my life. That I would face each morning with joy for the day and season. That might seem like an trite or shallow pledge, but really it is not as I am hard pressed to remember the last time I was joyful.

I have been away from this blog for a long time ~~ for almost 1.5 years~~ even though much has happened in that time, I did not feel like writing about it. In my last post in June of 2012 I noted that my husband’s cancer had come back and I will speak of that soon. In the meanwhile, I have been reading a blog The Habit of Being and am picking up the challenge they offer: to write daily. They offer a list of prompts and I am joining  today. So as this is the beginning of a month there is a new list of ideas for a short write. Today’s topic is to make a list. Ah, easy to do. I make lists on a daily basis ~~ to do lists for my job, lists of books/movie/tv programs I want to read or watch, lists of places I need to go today. . .but that doesn’t seem to fit the spirit of the task at hand. But those lists have no significance; they are temporary. However there is a list I can make that is not temporary and will help explain my morning post on Facebook.

1. In 2011, my parents moved to the town where my husband & I live because my mother was showing signs of dementia.
2. In 2012, cancer returned to my husband’s lungs.
3. In April 2013, we placed my mother in a Memory Care unit of a local facility.
4. In September 2013, my dad joined Mom in the Assisted Living area of the same facility, but just 9 days after he moved in he died of a massive heart attack on 15 September.
5. On 20 September the doctor placed my husband on Hospice Home Care.
6. On 15 October, my husband moved to Hospice House.
7. On 22 October, my husband died.

In the short span of six months I lost three very important members of my small family. So where is joy to be found? After church I checked Facebook to see if any of my family members in other time zones were up and on line. One of my nieces had posted these words from the Sunday School lesson she was to teach today. . . Joy will thrive in life’s triumphs and endure through life’s challenges. Joy is a deep, sincere way to approach life that allows us to know that the hard times will make us stronger and draw us closer to God.

I have been thinking about that idea all afternoon. So that is going to be my approach to life, my challenge for myself. I will not allow sorrow to engulf me; even though everyone tells me that I will, should, must grieve. I will instead take joy from the lives of my loved ones, celebrate their memories, and look for the joy that God means for us to have in his creation and the birth of his son. Advent is the season of rebirth and joy: I will embrace it.

I have been knitting to soothe myself as sitting still is not part of my personality. I need the zen of knitting. So look for future posts to include photos of knitting. I have been reading; mostly audio books, so I can keep the needles moving. So there will be posts about books. I am looking forward to reflecting about my new life (making no mistake my life is radically different and the old life is gone) and sharing my interests.

Summer Time = summer school

We are now two weeks into the second session of summer school and my on-line Assistive Technology course. I like teaching this class as everyone who takes it wants to be in it. . . it is an elective. Tomorrow is the one of the two times we meet as a class. This is a field trip to the South Carolina Assistive Technology Project ~~ a lovely place full of technology devices created or modified to meet the living and learning needs of persons with disabilities. It will be fun for me and an excellant learning experience for them.

Meanwhile I have been working in the garden and knitting. Went on a personal yarn crawl in Charlotte, NC one Friday with a former grad student who is now a teacher-in-waiting (for a contract) and knitting friend. Over the next several weeks I will show you what I bought ~~ some great stash.

I do have a couple of FOs. I finished the Carybdis by Glass of Fashion (2009).

Buddy is enjoying all of the one-on-one time with his mom and the sunny days.

Waiting Room Time

Sadly I have had quite a bit of waiting room time lately, at the hospital and a variety of doc offices. I have been waiting with my husband who is facing a recurrence of cancer. In the end, it will be okay, but I will have about 15 more hours of "wait time." I am planning my knitting now. So far I have a new sock almost to the start of the heel.
      

The pattern is Carybdis by Glass of Fashion (2009). The fiber is ella rae Lace Merino (color 106 Lot 90003). I am loving it; just enough pattern to keep me interested, but not so much I have to give it all of my attention ~~ so I can listen to an audio book while waiting and knitting.

Meanwhile I also have been knitting on the scarf ~~ Seattle Bloom Time Scart by Jennifer Chase-Rappaport in Sock Yarn One-Skein Wonders (page 104). I decided not to do the flowers in the corners. Too much fru-fru for my taste, but I love the seed stitch borders and the diagonal stitch. The fiber is Caper Sock (color Sherry; lot K867) from String Theory. 

I should be able to show some finished work soon.

Buddy seems unconcerned about unfinished knitting as he lost all his hair yesterday. He wants to run free in the backyard, so that is the price he pays ~~ He gets matted so badly that we can't get them out without lots of pain and crying; that's my pain and crying.

 

Forgetfull and then lazy

I forgot to post a photo of the entire Honey Badgers that i finished last week; then I got too lazy to find the camera and put socks back on the stretchers.  But finally, here they are in all their glory.

Since I was on spring break, I had some time to knit. So I have a new project. I am loving it. Not the casting on of 240 stitches, but how fast it is knitting up. It is Infinitude Scarf by Jeni Chase. I am using some very old Berroco Pure Merino, Nuance, in a verigated blue (found in my stash). The pattern calls for 300 yards of 6-ply cashmere, but I am going to use up all of my stash, just under 400 yards.

While I really, really love my job, I am sad that I am back to work today. . .But looking forward to topics I am teaching this week. We are talking about collaboration, co-teaching models, and project-based learning. Fun topics all. 

Buddy wishes all of you a "fun" week at whatever you are doing as he keeps the world safe from his perch.