I have often thought of and referred to 2014 as a year of Transition, Now I am ready to move on the the next year with determination to take charge of my life and make 2015 a better year. After all, I have been saying for months "when the worse possible thing happens to you, you begin to put your life into perspective and daily living takes on a different meaning." So here it is the end of the year, what will the next year bring? How will I respond to new events?
Just to be clear, in the last 16 months: My father, husband, and mother all died; I have completed (wll almost) probates activities for the three wills. For years, I had been primary caregiver and errand runner. Now I am a widow and orphan, as someone so kindly reminded me during this year. Again to be clear, I do not see myself as either of those. I am still married to my husband and I am still a daughter to my parents and always will think of myself as such.
But life goes on and I intend to live a life ~~ my life. I intend to live with love, joy, and happiness. Those three people always wanted that life for me and most often did all they could to ensure I had that life. I will live so that they will know I honor their love.
Here is what I came to understand during this year.
- It may be cliché to say but I am stronger than I thought and I am resilient.
- I am blessed with a family, and espcially a brother, who shared the grief and sorrow, but also cared for me and continue to make sure I felt their loving support.
- I have an incredible circle of friends who took me into their arms to comfort me and push me back to life with their laughter and love.
- I am so luckly to have a job that gave me structure, purpose, and fully supported me during this year. The students in my university classes forgave my moments of distraction and offered their support in so many ways throughout the year. I am incredibly thankful for their understanding. My colleagues (many of whom are counted in my circle of friends) supported me by kindly reminding me of tasks I had forgotten, covering my classes and attending meetings in my place while I took leave to mourn, and brought many bottles of excellent wine to share with me.
- Finally, and the knitters who may read this will fully understand, I had my knitting. The Zen of Knitting should not be underestimated by the non-knitters. So many scarves, baby sweaters, hats, and socks were knit while I cried, talked to myself, and worked on making peace with all that happened.
I have never been a very good blogger, but I hate the waste of the money and so I am making one final effort to blog my way through this year of renewal.